Mushky & Dovid

c. Yep, there are a lot of kids. Chassidim recognize that the purpose of marriage is to start a family, and families mean children. Kids are not only allowed to come to weddings, they are an integral part of the joy.

Here is a run-through of the basic procedure:

Reception (Kabbolas Ponim)

Two receptions are held simultaneously, often in two rooms, or in one room separated by a partition.

If you are female, make your way to the bride’s side. There you’ll see her perched on an ornate chair, probably surrounded by her family and friends. You can join the group, congratulate her—and just about everyone you meet—with “Mazel tov,” and chat with the other ladies.

Over at the guys’ reception, you’ll probably find the groom sitting at the head of a large table.

This is where the tenaim – engagement agreement and ketubah – marriage contract are filled in, witnessed, and read aloud. Then the groom recites a maamar, a chassidic discourse. He will typically cast his eyes downward or even close them as he says the maamar (by heart) in a singsong voice. The maamar is traditionally said in Yiddish, but some people will do so in Hebrew or English. Even if you understand the language of delivery, do not be dismayed if you do not fully grasp the subject being given over. It’s esoteric stuff that presupposes a lot of prior knowledge.

The discourse is preceded by a slow, moving niggun (melody), and followed by a fast-paced, joyous one.

On both sides, there will be food out. Feel free to enjoy, but remember that there is a whole wedding feast on the horizon, so save room.

Men’s Side: Breaking of the Plate

Then the mothers of the bride and groom will head over to the men’s side (the other women do not go with them). Together, they will hold a plate and smash it, symbolizing the finality of the bond between their two families. It sometimes takes them a few tries. When the plate finally breaks, people will respond with “Mazel tov!”

Women’s Side: Covering the Bride (Badekenish)

Then the groom and his entourage will walk over to the ladies’ side. In Chabad this is a somber moment, and the march is accompanied by a deeply pensive melody. In other communities this is a joyous time, and friends of the groom will sing, dance and clap their way over.

Facing his bride—whom he has not seen in at least a week—he will take a veil and place it over her face, showing that he cares more for her inner beauty than her pretty face. This is one of those moments where the hankies come out.

Under the Heavens: Chuppah

The actual wedding ceremony is held with just a canopy, called a chuppah, between the couple and the open sky. The entire wedding party will move outdoors to the courtyard.

There are normally chairs set up, so feel free to grab a spot. Men and women will be sitting separately on either side of the aisle. Here are the basic elements of this ceremony :

• • First the groom is walked to the chuppah. Then the bride is walked to the chuppah. They are accompanied by their parents (and grandparents). The bride, parents and grandparents will then circle the groom seven times. All the while, music is being played and sung.
  • The first part of the ceremony entails the groom placing a ring on the finger of his bride. A blessing is then said over a cup of wine, and both the bride and groom take a sip.
• Someone will then read the kesubah, the marriage contract. It is an Aramaic text that delineates the legal obligations of a husband to his wife.
• A succession of men will then be called up to read seven blessings, again over a cup of wine, which the bride and groom will both sip.
• The groom stomps on a glass, and cries of “Mazel tov” will ring out from the attendees. If you are a close friend or relative, you can rush over to hug and kiss your loved ones (remember, outside of immediate family, men touch only men, and women touch only women)

The Wedding Feast

Back in the wedding hall, the guests will find their way to tables (again in their respective areas). As with other Jewish festive meals, the meal begins with bread. Before eating bread, there is a specific way to wash your hands and a blessing to say.

If you’re not sure what to do, I’m sure someone will be happy to show you the ropes (and the sinks).

Now, remember that the bride and groom haven’t seen each other all week? That means that they have not had time to take pictures together, so they and their close family will be out snapping pictures while everyone else is settling down and tucking in.

Dancing

When you hear the music picking up and see people begin making their way to the dance floor, you’ll know what to expect next. Accompanied by a lively dance tune, the bride and groom will rush into their respective sides of the room, as everyone dances about them with lively abandon.

It is common for the groom and some of his male relatives to be hoisted onto the shoulders of some of the dancers, or lifted on a chair or table, while everyone dances around in concentric circles. A similar scene takes place on the ladies’ side.

Sometimes dancers will clasp hands, and other times they may just step in a loose circle with their hands on their neighbors’ shoulders. Some dances have a fancy step or two (especially on the ladies’ side), and others are simple. The thing to remember is that you cannot really mess up, so don’t be self-conscious and go join in the fun.

Typically there is a first dance, followed by the main course; a second dance, followed by dessert; and then the dancing pretty much continues freestyle.

Sheva Berachos

After dessert has been served, it’s time to bentch, a Yiddish term that refers to the Grace After Meals. Typically there will be bentchers, with the text of the bentching, scattered on the tables (you can take one or two home with you). Sometimes they will have English translations. The person leading the bentching will be holding a cup of wine.

The bentching will take around five minutes. Afterward, the sheva berachos (seven blessings) will be said. Like under the chuppah, six people will be called up, each one to say another blessing while clasping a second cup of wine. At the conclusion the two cups will be mixed, and the bride and groom will drink.

This pretty much concludes the wedding, with dancing continuing as long as the dancers still have steam.